Hard journeys, powerful truths

A few weeks ago I embarked on a journey with my partner to have a 2-months workation in Portugal. During that time we would work remotely while having reduced weekly work hours. In this article I want to share some very personal thoughts over the last weeks, hoping you can relate and it might help you in similar situations.

Photo by Alice Donovan Rouse on Unsplash

The Challenges

Work-life Balance and Work Challenges

1. I tried to find a balance between work and vacation during my experiment of a “workation”.
2. My workload intensified: I reduced my working hours but not the tasks, leading to escalating challenges at work and less success moments.
3. I shifted more often than usual between different subjects at work, unable to focus properly and achieving satisfying outcomes.
4. I felt obligated to address everyone’s needs, feeling a high level of dependency on myself.
5. Whenever I noticed an issue, I took the initiative, expanding my responsibilities in an unhealthy manner.
6. I aimed to present a positive image to friends and colleagues, showing an ideal workation. But in reality, I was facing emotional and job-related challenges.
7. I woke up at night my head full of thoughts, adding things on my to-do list.
8. Additionally I signed up to conduct workshops for the Code Week Hamburg to introduce children to AI. This added to my workload during my free hours and raised my self-imposed expectations, even though I genuinely enjoy learning experiences with the kids.

Personal Feelings and Emotional Challenges

1. I built an emotional barrier to keep “functioning”.
2. I held myself to standards I could not realistically meet.
3. I felt less inspired, but forced myself to be more creative.
4. I felt less confident with myself and towards others.
5. My thinking pattern became polarized, often boxed into “either-or” scenarios. This mindset led me to miss out on balanced perspectives and healthy compromise.
6. I felt pressures from both my job and personal relationship, doubting my ability to meet (self-imposed) expectations.
7. I was unable to process and come to terms with my emotions and feelings.

Without noticing, I was functioning even less (the opposite of what I tried to achieve) and kept convining myself that all is fine.

I felt overwhelmed.

Relationships and Interactions (TBD)

1. I found it harder to make time for friends and loved ones.
2. Even when I spent time with my girlfriend, I wasn’t truly present. Our conversations often remained superficial.
3. We organized a workation with friends, which was increasing the intensity of being unavailable for my relationship and focusing more on what happened around me.

The Resolutions

Relationship-Related:

My partner and I took more time for ourselves and then had a real, heartfelt conversation once we moved to a quieter location away from friends and other people.

We examined recurring patterns during our longer vacations: getting emotionally distant, building emotional barriers, having less quality time, feeling stressed, dedicating more time to planning than talking about our true feelings and laughing, and being less vulnerable.

Work-Related:

I shared my emotions with colleagues, provided feedback where I thought necessary, and opened up about my vulnerabilities at work. This led to more in-depth conversations how to release some workload. After a while, I began to feel a positive shift, eventually finding myself able to disconnect from work once my workday was over.

And the AI workshops with children? They turned out differently than expected. Still, I’m grateful for the experience, I value my courage doing them and I enjoyed the rewarding moments with the kids.

This hard journey of took a surprising turn when I was filling my coaching part of my Klarheit journal. One question at the end struck me:

What is the question you already know the answer to?

Wondering what it meant and reviewing my previous reflection sections I suddenly knew the question:

What is your role?

And I intuitively knew the answer to it:

My role is to be a partner in life.

What does being a partner mean?

• Authentic
• Honest
• Vulnerable
• Share feelings and experiences
• Be present
• Ask questions
• Be interested
• Invest time
• Proactive
• Give energy, don’t drain it
• Understanding & Caring
• Support in each phase of life
• Set boundaries
• Be Forgiving
• Accepting
• Loyal

In the next couple of weeks, I want to explore how this key role of “being a partner for life” applies to all of my relationships, which I care about in any life circumstance:

• partner for life and romance
• partner at work
• partner for friends
• partner as a son, brother or else